I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
