Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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