I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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