Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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