Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
