Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
