hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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