I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
