Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
