I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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