The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
