Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
