in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
