I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
