Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
