I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
