I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
