yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
