i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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