I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
