whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
