I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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