I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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