i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I met the friendliest cop last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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