I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
