I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
