why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
