I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
