You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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