She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
