she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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