I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
