if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
