There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
