Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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