Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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