We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
