I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
