turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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