Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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