Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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