your parents love me but you hate me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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