Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
