Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
