The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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