Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
