he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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