if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
