is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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