I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
