The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
