I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
