forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
