It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
