I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
