I wish I could teleport
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
