someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
