I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
