we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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