Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
