Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
