I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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