so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Mom said you looked used
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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