wanna go halves on a baby?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
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