Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
